Monday, 7 February 2011

Bad Mummy Club!



Have you ever been made to feel like you’re just a terrible Mum?  Have Health Visitors and Midwives, ever made you feel like you are just not worthy?  Maybe it was a mum in school that makes you feel like a failure? *starts counting heads*

Then apply to be a part of the Bad Mummy Club, we don’t judge, we just listen and maybe have a cup of tea with a nice slice of cake. (Ok a big slice of cake).

I don’t normally let things like this get me into a massive rant, but I feel that it’s finally time to let it all out and maybe I will feel better after saying it all.  Please beware that some of you may hate me after this post.

Right apparently we are BAD MUMMYS if we don’t Breast Feed our children.  Now let me get this out there.  I have the upmost respect for any mummy that chooses to Breast feed, but please don’t make us mums that choose not too or simply can’t feel bad.  I am so sick of going to our GP’s at the moment (they have one of those screens that for ads and stuff.)  You know the ones, and I am so sick of that she’s a star Breast feeding mum’s ad.

In my eyes all mums that try their very best for their children, whether we choose to feed them from our bodies or from a shiny tin in the supermarket makes us no different.   I was frowned at in the hospital all 4 times for not breast feeding, I simply couldn’t do it. 

Next on the list is Weaning too early, right when my son was 4 months (he is now a teenager) we were advised to start weaning at 4 months.  This was perfectish.  Ok he got a bit peckish around 3mths old but a little tiny bit of baby rice sorted that out. (What! he was hungry).  When I had Monster nearly 3 years ago they were recommending I didn’t wean him until he was 6 whole months old.  I’m sorry but to some babies that is just cruel. 

When Hitler...Ops sorry the Health Visitor shouted at me for weaning monster at 4 months, I couldn’t believe my ears she was basically telling me to starve my child.  Red rag to a bull and I asked her if he was underweight, crying constantly then which department of Social Services she would report me to.  End of matter all babies are different, if they are hungry feed them.

This brings me nicely onto Jarred Food. I was made to feel like a proper bad Mummy, by another mummy at school, because I didn’t make my own baby food.  Now don’t get me wrong I have done the whole faffing around with carrots, mash and other such stuff, cooking it all up and putting it in ice cube trays.  It was all good at the beginning, but my four ate for England.  I would use a whole ice cube tray every day.  So in the end I resorted to baby jars *listens for the gasps* there I said it.  It kept the kids happy, so happy Babies = Happy Mummy.

Another thing I have been made to feel bad about is TV time.  This is one of the ONLY times we will get a chance to do the housework. So when I was made to feel bad about even letting little one watch Cbebbies, I stared to challenge my mummy skills.  How bad could watching TV be for little Monster?  After all, all of the other Missions had watched it an it simply done them no harm, it’s not like I was letting them watch the Playboy channel now was it?

As they grow older we have a whole other set of bad mummy rules to break, take for example dare I say it.  I sometimes feed my children *Deep Breath*  FROZEN FOOD *hangs head in shame*

Seriously whatever!  I give them sweets as well, so you might as well hang me now!

I am so sick and tired of being branded a BAD MUMMY, by people who don’t know me.

So what if i dont buy my daughters Lellie Kellie shoes or I dare to say NO to my kids on occasions. 

Who cares that I shop at Primark, Tesco and Asda for clothes, because they are cheaper and sometime much nicer.

I won’t be judged because I ignore Temper tantrums whilst at the shops, yes I am one of those mums that walks away from their child. (but I have also just given in sometimes for a peaceful life.)

 I am making a stand for all the “BAD MUMMY’S” out there *looks around* *prays I’m not alone*

So if you’re a Bad Mummy, then please leave a comment in the box and I will come and give you a gold star for joining the club.

Lots of love

Mummy

 

Please note that i am in no way judging mummys who follow the book, but mummy hood is hard sometimes and there are no firm rules to follow. x

37 comments:

  1. Haha loved it!

    I too weaned early 10 weeks old, oops! And now I am a mother to an over weight, unhealthy full of allergies 6 year old honest ;p
    I tried breast feeding with Gabriel is didn't work and with Reu I combined fed and do you know what they are both fine.
    Do you not remember outside nursery last year when I had to discipline a certain child minded child, my lord I went home and cried after that because I felt as if everyone made out I was in the wrong not the child.
    Also after the little play they did last Thursday I walked home with Reu, he had his first ever paddy in the middle of the pavement, I walked on a head and stood leading on a tree so not to give him the attention he was after, a man came out of his house and starting hauling abuse because I abandoned him.

    If signing up to the "Bad Mummies Club", means that we are all free to bring up our own children in our own way as long as they are safe, then I am well and truly a member.

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  3. Thanks Vic.

    I have so been there and done the whole abandonment thing. xx#

    Welcome to the Club ;0)

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  4. This did make me laugh, I was reprimanded for not breast feeding I knew I wasn't going to do it the moment that I found out I was pregnant with Baba and my midwife had such a go at me that I left and went somewhere else. I was disgusted the way she actually shouted at me for not trying to breast feed and how I was harming Baba.
    One of the HV had a go at me because I moved Baba over to blue formula as he wanted milk every hour or so on the gold and when I moved him over he was going four hourly, but was also sleeping through the night at 8 weeks she told me that I had to wake him for a feed. I remember Mr L had come with me, he looked at her and said i quote " How many children do you have?" she replied with none and he replied with "well that will be way your telling us to wake a sleeping baby, fool" She didn't mention it again.
    If signing up means I can bring my children up how I want then I am there, thats what my mum did I don't think I am so bad! xx

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  5. Where do I sign? You know I'm a fully paid up mummy with my breast-feeding experience. I also weaned at 11 weeks because he was hungry: 5 x 9oz bottles a day, I couldn't fit anymore in the bottle!
    My son is currently watching 'Charlie & the Numbers' on babytv while I eat my weetabix. He learnt how to 'count' to 10 from it!

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  6. Oh Kerry, I have been there with Health Visitors.

    They judge and give terrible advice and yet some of them have no children of their own.

    Welcome to the club!

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  7. Welcome to the club!

    Its amazing what kids can learn from watching a bit of tv. hahaha xxx

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  8. Oh Lord where to start.

    Health Visitors = just this side of useless.
    Midwives = variable between wonderful and Satan.
    Breast Feeding =
    1st child - 5 months in total but combined after 6 weeks
    2nd child - 2 weeks then combined
    3rd child - 1 week then combined
    4th child - 1 week then combined
    And by combined I mean I got the boobs out in the middle of the night so I didn't have to get my arse out of bed
    Weaning - when my BABY was READY - never listened to 'advice'
    Food = everything from organic broccoli and fish to a packet yoghurt breakfast to a McDonalds Cheeseburger. And guess what? They all have different tastes and all eat whatever they want. And they all eat WELL.
    TV = the babysitter. Do you know why my 6 year old can read words like 'gargantuan' and is reading at the same level of a 10 year old? Because he has watched his big brothers playing computer games since he was born. He is more adept with anything electronic than I am.
    And frozen pizza is a meal.

    I would like my Bad Mother badge please.

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  9. I love this. My 2yo goes around shouting you Noob and other such words as he watches his 13yo brother on the xbox and loves it.

    Gold Star on its way...Welcome to the Club!

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  10. Oooo here's a club I could join.
    I've given my kids McDonald's (5 times. OMG FIVE TIMES!! *wrings hands*).
    They both weaned at 4 months (they drained me DRY and I supposedly had over-supply).
    I never made it to 12 months or 7 years or whatever it is these days Re. breastfeeding.
    I sometimes swear in front of them.
    The tv is on TWENTY. FOUR. SEVEN.
    I had two 11lb babies. I couldn't make enough jars of food for them if I cooked around the clock.
    I once put Big Small in a time out in John Lewis. On the floor. And he screamed. A LOT.
    If they get clothes from anywhere OTHER than Tesco/Sainsburys/George, it's like a treat from the Gods. (Note to self: Must check out Primark)
    My fridge is RAMMED with kids ready-meals for when I just can't face the stress of working out what the hell to feed Big Small.

    GEEEEEZE the list goes on. You are not alone. ;)

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  11. Oh, I must be a bad mummy too, if not worse! my eldest was on hungry baby Formula by three days old, by 4 weeks he was having an eight ounce bottle every 2 hours, so at 6 weeks I started weaning him and yes the health visitor told me off, I just took it all in until she left and carried on as before, she didn't even have children, there's a whole other story!
    Neither of my children were breast fed because I too, just couldn't do it.
    Well done for airing this, I bet it will make many mums feel so much better.

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  12. Jo poole (suga_dumplin)8 February 2011 at 05:42

    Hold my hand up with pride! You're not alone hunni xx I give my kids a maccy d's sometime too!

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  13. About time someone said all this. I didn't breast feed, bought all Jack's baby food barring a few things I did myself, he knows all the words to just about every cbeebies theme song, he eats frozen pizzas and fish fingers and I sometimes let him get away with stuff just for the quiet life. But he is a healthy, happy, very much loved and loving little boy. Well done for being honest about motherhood. xx

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  14. I to bottlefed both my children this was partly through choice but also necessity I was made to feel bad when bottle feeding in public a mum who was breastfeeding her child started asking me why I did not breastfed. Even now that my children are grown up I am still made to feel like a bad mother when I take my youngest to the hospital how was she fed is always the first question and the eyebrows raise. Although that's just for starters. My youngest has autism and the amount of people who think that they are the expert in my child is unbelievable.

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  15. Thanks you and welcome to my club!

    wow you so need to check out Primark its amazing and your fridge sounds just like mine x

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  16. Wow i have such an amazing response to this post, i almost never posted it this morning.

    Welcome to the Bad Mummy club, the TV is on and i have made you a cuppa x

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  17. Count me in! My dislike for HV's runs really deep, we took our daughter to her 1 year check up, and mentioned in passing to the HV that she suffered from really bad (and I mean REALLY bad) constipation, that all the fruit and veg in the world didn't seem to fix, and that a Doctor (you know, a person who actually went to universtiy and recieved a medical degree) had suggested glycerin suppositries. The HV decided she was going to berate us for this, saying that she thought putting something up our daughters bottom was tantamount to child abuse, and if we ever had to take her to hospital, they may see signs of us using the suppositaries and report us to Social Services.

    GRRR!

    Oh yeah, plus I decided against breastfeeding whilst pregnant, weaned an extremely hungry baby at 3 months, let her watch telly, eat sweets, and sometimes *GASP* I leave her in her pyjamas until 1pm!

    Fuck anyone who wants to judge, my kid is the kindest, brightest, most wonderful little girl, and I'm blessed to have her.

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  18. Wolcome to the Club, lovely. Thanks for your comment x

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  19. Fin is an expert on cbebbies, if there was a section in the pub quiz we would win hands down.

    Welcome to the club!
    xx

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  20. Well I'm glad it's not just me that has been made to feel like a "Bad Mum",i had my first baby at 20 years old & I can honestly say I was treated terribly,looking back because of my age.
    Due to the experience of having my first child,i was "NEVER" having any more!!!Put me off for life.
    I reached 28 & very nervously decided to have another baby,but so scared I arranged a c.section.I also made the decision not to breast feed.What a difference being older & more confident made!!.
    I even took a dummy into hospital for my baby,because I wanted to & I (god forbid) wanted my baby to have a dummy!!!.
    I also put him in my hospital bed next to me,that's what I wanted too!!.
    Having my second child was a lovely time,where as having my first child was a awful time & set me up for bad postnatal depression.I believed I was a failure in every way.
    There is no such thing as the perfect mum.
    There is no wrong or right way.
    Unconditional love is all that matters

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  21. Oh believe me i have been there at the hospital when they say how was baby fed? You feel like screaming at them.

    Welcome to the Club lovely x

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  22. OMG that is awaful HV's really really annoy me.

    I welcome you to club Bad Mummy, the kettles on and the chocolate is chilling in the fridge with the wine (for later).

    Xxx

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  23. I know exactly where you are coming from Jen i was 21 when i had Jack and i wanted so desperatly to go home after a day in hospital. I remeber the midwife saying to her mate, she'll be back later. young mothers they can't cope. I made bloody sure i did.

    Welcome to our club xx

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  24. Give me that star. I am a bad mummy.
    I feed my children nuggets!!! I let them watch TV and the two eldest have mobiles.
    I am clearly rotting their brains :-)

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  25. OK where do I start? Please consider me for membership - here is my bad Mummy resume!

    I'm a formula feeder!
    Child 1 - managed 10 days he was 10lb at birth & bloody hungry by 3 weeks he was on hungry baby formula.
    Child 2 - had a bad 1st night in hospital with her as was very upset due to my Mum having died just 2 months before baby arrived - I was given the formula by the midwife with the statement "you don't need the added pressure of breastfeeding after suffering that"
    Child 3 - managed 3 weeks with him and then after he stayed permanently attached to me for 3 days I relented and put him straight onto hungry baby - by this time he was 13lb!

    I refused to wake my sleeping baby.
    The midwife told me I needed to wake Harry as he hadn't fed since birth (5 hours) previously - I refused saying if he was hungry he would wake - she started to have a go & I kindly pointed out that Harry was my 3rd baby and I knew what I was doing - she left quickly!

    I weaned Child 1 & 2 at 16 weeks!
    It was the done thing at the time - I actually started Dan on rice when he was 10 weeks old, he had awful reflux and needed solid food in his belly!

    I let my kids watch TV.
    Harry watches TV for an hour each evening - he is 6 months old & he watches it so that I can make dinner for the husband & the kids otherwise we wouldn't eat!
    Dan & Em watch TV too - I have found them watching the History channel & we watched The Great Escape together - their choice as they wanted to learn about history. They also watch Disney rubbish!

    I've fed them food from a jar & a packet - I even gave the 6 month old garlic bread last week!

    I swaer in front of them - they know which words are naughty & know that they are not to use them!

    I talk about sex with my eldest in an open & honest way - he is nearly 12 he is having the lessons at school & I would rather we could talk about it then have him come home in a few years and tell me I am going to be a Nana!

    The majority of their clothes come from the designers - George, Florence & Fred and Primarni. They have had clothes from up market places like Next and M&S for special occassions! I still laugh at the time my StepSon had a white Jasper Conran t-shirt on (from his Mum's) and he had tomato soup for lunch - she wasn't amused that the expensive t-shirt was ruined - my response well what is wrong with a £2 white t-shirt??

    I separated from my eldest 2 childrens Dad - my kids are from a broken home - I am evil!!! They now have a fantastic StepDad who loves them dearly!

    I let them each sweets most nights - as long as they have eaten their dinner & yoghurt.

    The 2 boys have had dummies - apparently this makes me a good mum now as it helps with SIDs???

    I am a working Mum - I went back to work when baby was 10 weeks old, 18 weeks old and 6 months old! It has got progressively longer as I need more time to cope with Baby & the other kids and I have now after 3 children reduced my working to 4 days a week, but I am still going to work & I enjoy it!

    And perhaps the most evil one of all - they have all gone straight into their own room as soon as they came home from hospital. They have all followed the routine of bath, feed & bed at 6:30pm every night and they have all slept through for 12/13 hours by 8 weeks!!

    I am proud to be a bad mum - I have 3 children and a stepchild that I love unconditionally & they love me back and at then end of the day that is all I am bothered about!

    I don't care what other people think - they are my children & I do my best for them!
    x

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  26. I'd like to join the bad mummy club please, have just given in to three strops today cause I couldn't be bothered with the fallout, fed them chicken nuggets and chips for lunch (at least they ate) and just on the way to buy ice cream! I won't even start with the bfing, weaning and tv time!!! X

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  27. Alli welcome to my club, wow you wrote a whole post there.

    I was told to wake moo who was our third and i shouted at the HV for being so stupid!

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  28. Hahaha well done Kate and Welcome to the bad Mummy Club x

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  29. Gold star for you for being a bad mummy.

    xxx

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  30. I veer between good and bad on the issues you've mentioned. Therefore the inconsistency probably lumps me in with you lot rather than the gold star mums! ;) Ooh and I did wean my preemie at 4 months...

    I therefore request asylum before I get lynched by the HV dictatorship regime!!!

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  31. Asylum granted welcome aboard good ship mummy. xx

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  32. Count me in! I only have one daughter who is now 17 weeks. I breastfed for 15 minutes and hated the whole experience. Excuse me if I think it's creepy that I have a human being suckling on my boobs.
    I've also been weaning her for a month now - I know, i'm so awful. She has about 42oz, if not more, of formula milk a day. I'm sorry but do they know how stressful it is to sit on a couch all day with baby & bottle in hand? Not to mention the most boring thing ever. She's now a much happier bubba on her rice, porridge and pureed fruit! Oh - and the jars are on there way too. Shoot me now.
    Little lady also sleeps in my bed in the morning! Once her Daddy has gone to work, she wakes up. Up and out of her cot and straight onto the other side of the bed she goes. She does have a pillow to stop her from rolling off though - i'm not that awful!
    Luckily, my midwife and HV were brilliant. They never judged me once for any of the decisions I made. My HV even went as far to say she thought I was a fantastic Mummy. Needless to say I never told her any of the above!
    And as for the rest as she grows up - I won't be standing for tantrums. When I look after the niece (4yrs) and nephew (5yrs) they are left in the middle of the aisle/street wherever they decide to have a paddy. They soon realised I was gonna win!

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  33. You just described me! My Lo is 3 and a half and being a right cow! Tantrums galore! Then you have the perfect mummy telling me to do this and that! Argghh!!

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  34. You mind if we mention your blog on ours?

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  35. mrs smith (yes really)8 May 2011 at 02:20

    I was made to feel the same way. My first daughter i was made to feel bad because i couldn't breast feed and believe me i tried she just would not latch on so right from the get go i was told by loads of women i should keep trying (except my community midwife who was excellent) my second daughter was a bit more easier well apart from being late because i was determined not to be made to feel a faliure. i think when you become a mum your put under so much pressure to be perfect that it causes so much unnessersary stress and since we have to deal with so much crap as mothers we deserve more then one mothers day.

    i also hate it when people who don't have children try to give you advise when they don't have a bloody clue themselves.

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