Monday, 6 June 2011

Monsters new words.

This is little Monster Mission, he will be 3 in a matter of days (if he makes it that is).  He has grown up so quickly, it seems like two minutes since I gave birth to him.  We have watched him learn to walk, talk, and potty train and now he has been accepted, to start nursery in September.

The excitement is all just too much, he asks everyday “Is it today I put my uniform on and go to school?” September is such a long time away, so we spend our days planning and playing.  Learning to copy letters and trying so very hard to spell his name.

But there is a small, well tiny habit we need to get Monster out of before he hits school; he has this tendency to copy what other people say.  I know this is completely normal, but he is very selective about what he says, where he says it and when he says it.

Example, his new favourite words are Arse Pain, Bugger, Boobies, Miserable Sod, etc, you get the jist.

So when we were shopping at our local store, Monster squeezed past an elderly gentleman, who huffed and puffed and muttered “Children these days have no manners”.  Monsters’ hearing is crap hot for his age, and he wandered off to pick his sweeties.  When he returned to the queue, the elderly gentleman was sorting his change out, Monster stood next to the man, I prayed he wouldn’t say anything, it didn’t work, and no one was in upstairs, they weren’t listening to me.

Monster placed his money and sweets on the counter, and said to the lady behind the counter “You shouldn’t let that Miserable sod come in here anymore” *ground open up now* I could have died.

The lady behind the counter was crying with laughter and she promised him that she wouldn’t let him in anymore.

The next day we were at our local Asda, Monster loves chatting to the cashier smiling, chatting away.  This cashier was only a young girl, Monster took his chance, Chatting away he told her “You have very nice Boobies” Oh god here we go again, I apologised to the poor blushing girl and told Monster to behave. That didn’t work; he kept looking at her chest and saying they are like Katy Perry’s cake boobies. (If you haven’t watched the video for California Girls, then watch it, it’s his fave at the moment).

I couldn’t get out of Asda quick enough; I actually thought we would be thrown out at one point.  I explained to Monster that he wasn’t allowed to say things like that.  He looked at me and said “they were nice like bouncy balls, not like yours”  Thanks son, make your mum feel better why don’t you.

The icing on the cake was when teenage mission got home; Monster was playing with his blocks when Teenage Mission decided to knock his tower over (as big brothers do).

Monster turned to him and said “You stupid Gay boy” my boys are so affectionate to each other, when teenage mission continued to torment him, monster shouted “Right arse pain, I am going to kick your bum” he launched himself at his brother.

*picture the scene* Teenage mission is roughly about 5”2 in height monster is about 3 foot, just the right height to cause some serious discomfort.

Let’s just say Teenage mission will not be tormenting his brother again.

As for monster, well the outbursts they still happen and it’s normally with words he knows he is not allowed to say, but you really can’t help but chuckle inside.

I hope this phase goes before he starts school, I would pray but no one every listens.


  1. *Wipes away tears of laughter*

    I'd like to say he'll grow out of it, but I have an almost-5yr old who's exactly the same. He's now at an age where he understands that he can't say things like that at school (thank the Fates), although it doesn't stop him at home.
    He calls his older brothers 'pains in the arse' and occasionally calls my sister 'Aunty Bitch'.

    I can't imagine where he gets it from!

  2. It's always shocking when your words come out of your child's mouth, isn't it? My son called me an jackass when he was 2, and by 3 had adopted my favorite word...idiots.

  3. Oh dear so much to look forward too then. hahaha x

  4. Yes that is another favourite especially when the car window is open and he is shouting stupid idiot to other drivers. Not good. haha xx

  5. You could always try telling him that he's allowed to say those words as much as he likes as long as he doesn't say 'Jelly' or something silly like that. Reverse psychology is a good thing!

  6. He sounds so funny it's hard not to laugh when they sound so cute. My fav from my little girl was when I was driving and got stressed she said 'mummy just tell him to fuck off like daddy does when he's driving'
    She actually didn't know it was a swear word!