Saturday, 16 January 2016

The Day Anxiety Came To Play


We've all seen the film Inside out, what do you mean you haven't? *shakes head*  I'm presuming the rest of you have?

Well, if you haven't seen it yet, it follows the journey of a little girl called Riley.  Riley has some little characters that live in her head, and they go on a journey all of their own.

It's mine and Missy Missions favourite film at the moment, yes we have stopped watching frozen, well for a few days anyway. So some lovely friends of mine warned me not to watch the film, at least until i had given birth to Messi Mission, as it would possibly make me cry.  There was no possibly about it, i sobbed like a baby, and i mean properly sobbed with snot bubbles and everything.

I haven't watched a film that has made me sob snot bubbles since i was about 6 and i watched ET, i still sob snot bubbles.  Anyway enough of the snot.

I couldn't work out why this film affected me the way it did, then i realised its because i have the same characters that live in my head.  Anger, Disgust, Joy, Fear, Sadness and my little pink elephant imaginary friend LaLa

I can function normally most of the time, joy provides me with my positive outlook on life, and she keeps the rest in check normally. But something happened recently, Joy needed a holiday so she left the others to "man the ship" as it were.

All was fine, everyone was happy and cheerful until one day something happened, i heard something i wasn't overly happy about, *cue anger* oh dear this can only end in tears and normally mine, one ranty post later and all hell breaks loose.

Disgust, Fear and Sadness were hiding in the corner, whilst Anger sat back and ate chocolate, feeling rather proud of himself.

It seems my ranty post got me into a little bit of trouble, *cue fear*  You see i can normally get through everyday with a smile and two words " I'm Fine".  I'm fine can cover all known issues, even when i'm not fine, its easier to say.  After a while you actually start to believe that you are fine, but i'm fine didn't cut it this time, I wasn't fine, i was cross, hurt and anxious. *cue more tears and fears cousin anxiety*

You see i was betrayed.   Betrayed by someone i thought was a friend, and i'm so very picky when it comes to my friends.  Now there's a saying in life Trust takes years to build, seconds to break and forever to repair, but what is even worse, is that i still don't know who betrayed me or even why they felt the need too.

Had i been such a bad person, that they felt the need to break the trust we had?  I still don't understand, I cried some more.  Then i found out that this breach of trust had affected others too, *cue disgust and anxiety*.  What if people hated me for getting others into trouble? God i really needed joy back from her holiday, that lazy biatch was sunning herself whilst i was having a major melt down. I'm seeing similarities to the film here.  So how did Riley get back on track in the film, well without giving away too much away the characters got back to HQ and restored Riley's core memories.

Technically there wasn't anything wrong with my core memories, i just had to work out how i was going to get joy back from her holiday and she would know how to silence Fear's cousin Anxiety.

The usual stuff didn't work, Chocolate, wine, pizza, chips, so what would make joy want to leave a sunny beach, to come back to HQ and fix mummy?

Messi Mission had the answer.

You see i was watching my tiniest tot, smiling, cooing and generally being all happy and joyful.  Joy was there all along she was just teaching me a lesson.  You see, i suffered from terrible anxieties when i was younger. So much so i was painfully shy, found it hard to make friends and really hated doing anything out of my comfort zone.  Then i learnt all about Life coaching and how different exercises can help you boot anxiety's butt and learn to live a joyful life and not listen to that voice in your head.

So i spent some time away from everyone, which is difficult in the mission house, because most of the time i pee with an audience. I took the time to write down everything i was grateful for, i spoke to some of the people my ranty post had affected, they assured me that it wasn't my fault and i reassessed some of my friendships.

It still hurts that i don't know who betrayed me or why they felt the need too?  But i can honestly say, joy has returned to the building and as much as its been an experience anxiety coming to stay, i've managed to book him on a space programme so i guess i wont be seeing him again for a very long time.

Lesson of the month:
1. If you are going to rant make sure you do it inside your head, to close friends and maybe not on social media because you never know who's watching.

2. Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about, so always be kind.

and

3. How people treat you is their Karma and how you react to it is yours.  So i forgive the person who betrayed me, because my nana always used to say "Should you ever find yourself the victim of other peoples bitterness, small mindedness or insecurities, remember it could be worse......You Could Be Them!

Have an amazing day

Lots of loves




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